My relationship this past year has been stale if not dramatic. Moments filled with romance and sparks have become sporadic and overturned by arguments and endless bickering. Just as she would confine herself in bed to read books or watch TV, I have been subconsciously confining myself in my own corner trying to do something random just to keep me occupied, instead of trying to get her involved in something fun outside of our own corners. Well.. it's not that I haven't tried.
For the past year I have been trying to convince her that there is more to do outside than just snuggling, staying in bed, and reading books. It's not that I don't like it.. it's just that I get tired of it. I feel like my sanity is dependent on what I do physically and mentally and being sedentary is not one of them. I am beginning to miss the art of socialization. When I'm with group of people, I find myself listening passively and that's not like me at all.
When we bought our first house, we were like obsessive-compulsive couples who would thoroughly clean the house once a week. We have schedules to do bills, and laundries, and groceries and all other chores. We monitored our expenses and we started saving for future. We were ready for a big family. Now, it's the complete opposite. There is not much interaction between us other than asking ourselves what to do, what to eat (or where to eat), and whose turn is it to take the dog out. The rest, I feel we only do out of necessity.
We moved to different state to get a fresh start. We put the house up to the market but since the recession, we haven't been getting good offers. We are currently living in an apartment living out our own ways in our own corners--filthy and disorganized. Bills have been piling up and everyday is a struggle to keep ourselves afloat. You could say this should be the time to work together to get ourselves out of this sinking hole, but no. We switched to "I don't give a shit" attitude. I probably have voiced this frustration out once or twice during one of our heated arguments. I even prayed for strengths and guidance in our relationships whenever we go to church every Sunday. It's a struggle, I tell ya.
For the past few weeks, it's becoming more and more apparent that our attitude towards this relationship is not going to change. Whether the chemistry is lost or we just really don't care anymore, I can sense the dying flame. I still don't know what to do at this point. I think one long stale year is too long. Maybe it's time to move on...
